“That’s Why I Gave Up On Music”

A couple months ago, after listening to “Just A Sunny Day for You” quite a bit as my rookie band, I was looking through other songs by Yorushika. One song I listened to then was “That’s why I Gave Up On Music”, and like many, I can relate to it. so much that it brings me to tears when I watch it ;____;

While I may be a budding musician now, I too once gave up on music. Maybe you’ll relate to my story, and if so, I hope you’ll feel re-inspired to try again as well.

My musical Background

I always loved music class. I loved learning to play new instruments, I loved learning how to read sheet music, I loved singing and learning lyrics, and I even enjoyed listening to classical music in class.

I played keyboard, clarinet, viola, and I was in my school’s choir, music council, drumline, and drama club where we put on a musical. I was even in cheerleading where we got to chant and dance as well. Anything to do with music, I was in it.

And while I knew I wasn’t ‘the best’ (I definitely was never that cocky), I knew I had the ability to learn songs if I had time and perform them when needed.

But by the time I was in my final year of high school, I guess it really hit me….I’m really not that great at anything. I practiced keyboard casually, usually learning songs off it’s screen, I hadn’t touched clarinet since Grade 9, nor played other instruments regularly enough to be proficient. I didn’t think I’d be considered intermediate for any of them.

Yeah, I could read notes, and that’s fine for the easy songs we played on melodic instruments in class, but if you put a piano piece in front of me, I would not be able to play on the spot. Sure, I could cover songs, I even learned some by ear, but I can’t improvise and create like other students….

Why I Gave Up On Music

While music was what I was known for up to that point, I realized I didn’t have any innate musical talents. It took me so long to learn a piece on piano and I was still very prone to messing up due to my clammy hands. I really only played til I could get through a piece, instead of practicing it perfectly til I couldn’t mess up.

Perhaps, I had some insecurities that I was in denial about. I realized that, the distain I had towards showoffs who’d play so loud in the music room instead of wearing headphones…it could have been a bit of jealousy.

My older brother who was always my bully, he was an art student his whole life, but suddenly decided to get into music production the same year I joined high school. I hated when people asked if I got into music because of him, as it was always ‘my thing’. We were in a few of the same clubs, which was also weird. Eventually he went to music production school and I retired.

Either way, I didn’t see a future for myself in music. I figured the only paths were playing in an orchestra or being a music teacher, but the odds were low for both, especially for me who wasn’t naturally talented.

Perhaps I was wasting my time. *correction*, perhaps I already wasted my time, wasted 14 years being below average because I moved around so much instead of just focusing and mastering one instrument.

But that was my fault though. Perhaps deep down, I knew I’d never master an instrument, so I chose to be a jack of many. I didn’t practice anything daily, only when I felt like it. I was happy with just getting through a song, that I didn’t practice or master anything worhty of praise.

I thought I was good enough….but the more I chose to be honest with myself, the more it sunk in that I wasn’t that great. And before long, my walls of pride fell down. I already knew I wasn’t that great of a singer, especially when I lose the school idol competition.

I’d see asian schoolmates who could play complex piano pieces with ease, the black guy on his guitar always improvising in the music room…I could barely play 5 random notes without one sounding off, or without it sounding like a song I knew..

I couldn’t compete with them. I’ll never catch up to them. Maybe music just isn’t for me…

It sucks. It hurts.

Why I Decided To Try Again

Over the next 8 or so years, I was eager to find a hobby, any hobby. Something I could enjoy, become good at, and hey, maybe make some money off it too.

Being broke, sharing a room, and living in an apartment building, options were very limited. Some things required going out regularly, some required lessons or other people, some…..while I was excited to start, I got discouraged quick or lost interest.

I did try a few other instruments, like harmonica, violin, and ocarina, but they were too loud to play with my family around, and it was also kinda embarrassing.

This clip of me covering “Brothers” from Fullmetal Alchemist on the harmonica, the keyboard part only took a couple takes, but the harmonica part? I had an online friend who was impressed and I’m like ‘don’t be’. I made a 5-minute compilation video of my fails….and the sad part is, I gave up that day and had to try again another time. Even then, I just had to mash different clips together, cause it just wasn’t happening ^^”

Thing is though, besides piano, I only really played melodic instruments. While they are small and sweet, they were definitely limiting. Some, like the Harmonica, could only play certain keys, and other’s had a limited range. I couldn’t really find tabs or sheets for the songs I liked either. I didn’t really feel like a lot of classic instruments fit my rock tastes anyways.

Then, I watched K-On!! and it reminded me of my middle school band dream and bucket list goal of playing with a band on stage. So I started considering band instruments more seriously. I did buy a second hand bass, but quickly lost interest. While David504 now showed me how cool it is, it still needs a band, and I had doubts that could ever happen.

Same with drums, which I did pick a couple times over the last 8 years. I had a good foundation thanks to drumline, but there was no space for a kit to practice seriously. Most I had was a practice pad, the drum kit from Band Hero which was already falling apart when we got it, and I did buy a table top version as well. Iunno. While I was motivated, it was still quite loud. I guess I had one option left…

Finding My Spark With Guitar

After playing Guitar Hero, I considered the instrument more seriously. I will admit, I avoided it my whole life just because everyone else played it. I didn’t want to be average…..or worse, I didn’t want to work hard just to be average. But the game showed me how fun it could be, and I like that it works with a band and alone. So I made myself a promise, if I were to buy it, I would stick to it and practice it daily, and so I did.

I also made myself another promise, that I will learn music theory and really understand the instrument so I could create and improvise. After learning the basic chords and scales, I started to see how things were moveable. An F chord was just E moved up, and how a scale box could be moved depending on the key. Compared to piano, all these patterns were very easy to see and things started to click.

I never really got to look into chords either growing up. I mainly played melodic instruments after all, so guitar was my first chance to really learn more about it and understand it. It didn’t take long to see that the A major and A minor chord only had a note that was one fret or one semi-tone lower…then I understood why the A minor scale was so popular, as it’s the relative minor of C major…but they both have the same notes….they may have a different scale pattern, but it’s all the same.

Things just kept clicking. As a logical learner, I do best when I understand things on a deeper level. I’m no longer playing a guessing game like I did on other instruments…music made sense to me! Within a couple months, I was able to improvise for the first time, and actually put together chord progressions with ease and confidence.

For the first time ever, I actually felt a spark doing something. While the early phases were painful, I saw the possibilities. I enjoyed playing guitar, I enjoyed learning and getting better at a new chord, being able to be creative and actually make sense of things, I loved it!

My progress was great, especially within my first 6 months. I felt more confident with guitar than I did any instrument before. Like I knew what I was doing on a deeper level, and felt more ready for different scenarios.

Almost Giving Up Again 🙁

Of course, the guitar journey wasn’t easy sailing. I didn’t have internet at home then, so after learning the basics through a handful of printouts and a couple library books, I didn’t really know what to learn next, so I looked into private lessons.

In the first couple lessons, my teacher was really impressed with my improv skills. I only recall learning the 3-note-per-stting scale pattern from him.

The 3rd lesson, had gave me homework, to learn Gary Moore’s “Still Got The Blues” by ear. He didn’t give me any instructions, so I did my best. I figured out the notes, but I played it in the lower frets where I’ve always played. When I came and showed him, he said it was all wrong. It had to be in the higher frets.

Not only that, I needed to play with distortion, something I’ve never done as I’d play acoustically while my family slept. This meant I had to mute the open strings, something I’ve never practiced. I missed some slides and bends as well.

He showed me how to play it and expected me to play it on the spot…in full speed. I did my best but something always went wrong. An open string would blast, my bend was flat, I was too slow etc. I couldn’t do it. He said we’ll have to start over, and I said I’ll take a break from lessons til I have it down. I didn’t want to waste money learning the basics. But ultimately, I was discouraged, and I put guitar down for 2 and some years.

In 2019, I got to see my favourite band ever, Japanese rock sensations ONE OK ROCK, in concert. I also got to dance with a Jpop group at an event. I was feeling reinspired and remotivated to bring that band dream to life. I really couldn’t give up on the dream. It was the last thing to cross off my childhood bucketlist, and I knew I’d die with regrets if I never achieved that. So in 2020, for my new year resolution, I said I’ll try guitar again.

Focusing On Rhythm Guitar

While I was initially interested in soloing, I ended up finding my joy with rhythm. I love chords! I love funky strumming patterns, and I love how unique chord progressions could make the listener feel something. Here’s a couple Japanese songs of just rhythm guitar on it’s own that I really love. It’s my goal as a rhythm guitarist.

It didn’t take long for me to realize, I don’t need to be a lead guitarist or be the best guitaristist to play in a band. I don’t mind playing a supportive role if it could make the dream happen faster. And if anything, that role is better for me as the leader because it allows me to not only listen and advise them, but I can also sing backup vocals when needed.

I also realized that, I will never master everything there is to learn on guitar. It’s simply impossible! Every great guitarist out there, they’re known for one or two main things, ie. blues soloing, jazz improv, classical or fingerstyle guitar, shredding, math rock tapping, etc.

Each thing takes ages to learn, and then you can keep going deeper and perhaps create something new. What matters is that I know what I like and want to play, and just focus on being great at that. I chose rock and pop rhythm.

And honestly, it’s kinda sad how rhythm guitar is so neglected. When I look online, it’s hard to find rhythm lessons outside of like…8 basic strumming patterns for acoustic players. But like, what about 16th beat funk rhythm patterns? What about broken chord arpeggios? What about palm muting and syncopations?

Then there’s just so many kinds of chords! Open, power, barre, triads…then there’s major, minor, dominants, augmented, diminished, sevenths, ninths, elevenths, and various combinations. I just really want to go into this underappreciated and undervalued territory as I grow as a musician ^_^

Getting Into The Music Scene

I’ve been putting Chromatic Dreamers together for a couple years now. I conceptualized the idea of bringing beginners together with the goal of playing on stage around mid-2020, but didn’t have a full band to practice with until mid-2021.

My band is full of people who kinda gave up on their musical dreams as well, so it’s amazing to see how my motivation and hope has rubbed off on them, and how we’ve all grown over the last year. How their spark and dreams have been re-lit.

We had our first acoustic gig at an anime convention a couple weeks ago. Our main goal as a band was to play at a convention, so it’s really cool to have our debut there! We also have our first full rock band gig in a couple weeks, and we’re super excited ^_^

I also pitched a band to my workplace months ago when I found out there were some musicians in the company at a social event. One of the big guys who was there mentioned an industry Battle of the Bands and said we should compete. I guess the competition is on for this year, so he finally sent out the email looking for people last week. I’m just so excited!

I’m still a beginner, trust me. I’ve been playing actively for less than 3 years in total, with lots of long breaks in between, but I’m feeling pretty confident. Not in a cocky way at all, as I’ve already been humbled by my past, but I’ve had teachers and coaches reach out to me to pitch their services, but then they realized I’m quite ahead and there’s not much left to teach me.

A big part of this is because I have been focusing most on my musicianship rather than my playing chops. I’ve been strict about playing in time and developing rhythm, about the theory behind scales, chords, and progressions, and I have experience playing with others thanks to my band.

I kinda had to advance faster and dig deeper because Japanese music is so complex compared to what most guitar lessons teach. The songs I want to play rarely ever just have major and minor chords.

There’s lots of suspended, dominants, diminished, sevenths, and even augmented and other chords, so I really didn’t have the option to skip barre chords. They also use a lot of borrowed chords so western theory didn’t make much sense either.

As a beginner, there was certainly many songs that intimidated me and I really wanted to avoid, and even now, there’s still songs that I’m like…O_____O but if my band decides they want to play it, I’ll suck it up and work on it. I know it’s better for my learning anyways, and I can see just how much I’ve grown in a short time by pushing through it.

My Future As A Musician

I don’t really know what the future will hold for me as a guitarist. I had a trial with a coach and he kept asking me what big dreams I have (and I totally know why coaches do that), but I’m like…I just want to play with a band on stage and cross that off my bucket list.

In the past, I definitely had a habit of dreaming too big and planning far ahead, but I tend to do best when I focus on short-term goals. More so when playing an instrument like guitar that takes years to learn and really get a hold of. I’m just focused on the near future and making the most of the time I have now 🙂

If playing with a band is everything I expect it to be, I’m sure I would love to play with bands more in the future. It can be tiring managing and organizing one, but it’s certainly worth it! I find it a lot more magical than playing alone. There’s just something so beautiful about a handful of people playing different instruments and coming together to make music!

Another goal of mine is that I want to get good at hearing and playing chords by ear. I would love to get good at transcription and provide chords to those who want and need them. If I can transcribe complex Japanese music by ear, I’m sure I could transcribe anything ^_^ I also wouldn’t mind providing acoustic accompaniment to singers for gigs or open mics or whatever.

But all in all, like the music video said, I never really cared for fame or fortune. I just like to play. It’s also been fun documenting my journey on Instagram, and now writing about it in this blog.

It can be discouraging being an adult learner when all you see are advanced players online. It’s intimidating catching up when you’re decades behind them…but if I could do what I always dreamt of in 3 years time, so can you ^_^

A Message To You

Have you given up on music? Are you considering just throwing in the towel? Maybe you’re constantly in between, where you play for a bit but then get discouraged and think you’re wasting your time…

If you love music, that’s all that should matter at the end of the day. If you just want to play for yourself in your bedroom, don’t feel pressured to become the best or to perform! Don’t let other’s tell you you’re wasting your time for enjoying your own hobby. It’s better for your mind and your soul to practice an instrument, even for fun, than to be scrolling mindlessly on social media.

If your goal is to perform somewhere, you don’t need to be able to play every complex or classic piece, you just need to be able to play your piece well. Just focus on what you need to play, don’t stress yourself out trying to learn everything at once.

If you just want to upload covers online, it’s okay to take 10 retakes and edit and crop it so it sounds good. As long as you’re actually playing, people really don’t care! There are many Youtube musicians who admit they’ve never played live and probably can’t play live.

I also love watching musicians who share their fails and outtakes because it reveals that we’re all the same. Some will only show or reveal their perfect takes, but we all make mistakes. In the delay video above, while they are all amazing classical guitarists, it took them all 60 takes to get it down perfectly.

It’s also easy to think people won’t be impressed unless you can play complex pieces, but you’re wrong! Look how many pop artists could only play open chords on their guitar and people still think they’re the coolest guitarist ever and are inspired to learn because of them.

Heck, you don’t even need to play to impress others! There’s enough fake musicians on Tiktok getting millions of likes! It’s such a big problem that many real musicians on Youtube had to make videos about it and expose them. It’s hilarious to watch when you know how instruments work, but sadly, many don’t know about instruments. It was a big eye opener when I conducted a survey on who took music through school.

Point is, don’t put so much high expectations on yourself…don’t burden yourself with that pressure. The beautiful thing about art and music is that it’s creative and subjective!

Some people like complex and intriguing pieces, while other’s enjoy simple and minimalist stuff. Some want meaningful lyrics while other’s enjoy catchy lines that make no sense. No matter what you make, you’ll find an audience who appreciates it. We’re in a generation where any musician can get themselves out there and get an audience, take advantage!

People are also more supportive than you think as well! It can be hard to get out of that negative mindset you have if you had unsupportive parents/siblings or a teacher who looked down on you, but others will be happy to leave a positive comment or a word of encouragement if you’re brave enough to put yourself out there. More so at open mics and talent shows.

But if you need more encouragement, I highly recommend checking out some musical animes! I’ve watched and reviewed quite a bit in this article. It’s shows like K-On! and Given that always give me that boost to keep working on the band, and other animes were certainly relatable when it comes to feeling insecure as a musician.

Don’t let anyone discourage you. It’s more important that you’re doing something you love, something that brings you joy and gives you confidence. Life is too short to let go of those small pleasures <3

Sincerely, Nostalgia