How To Avoid Comparison & Low Confidence As A Newer Musician

So, you’ve decided to pick up an instrument, or you’ve been playing for quite some time. You know your skills aren’t that great right now, and according to research, it’s going to take you a few months or even years to sound decent. You understand that…

But you just can’t help but feel insecure and unconfident when you’re around more talented musicians. You see the child prodigy on America’s Got Talent, there’s advance players in your class who make it look easy, you may even know or see someone who’s been learning for less time but are clearly way ahead of you.

You thought playing an instrument would be easy. You can make notes, play some basic songs, you thought you were making progress, but it’s still a bit difficult for you. It’s natural to feel frustrated, jealous, or unmotivated when others just seem to get it faster than you.

“Should I even try anymore?” “Maybe music and instruments just wasn’t made for me.” “That kid has been playing for 3 months while I’ve been playing for 2 years, yet I’m not even half his skill level.” “I really should just give up..”

I feel you. I’ve been there myself, trust me. But let me tell you my story and what I’ve learned as a life long musician who has yet to be advanced at any instrument.

Without further ado, let’s get back to the article:

My musical experience

Music was my favourite class since kindergarten. I’ve taken a class by choice every year and I played a variety of instruments. But when I really thought about my musical abilities around the time of high school graduation, I realized, I really wasn’t that talented. I loved music, it was pretty much my identity, but I really had nothing to show after 14 years!

Sure, I could sing. I was in choir for a couple years, chosen for certain roles in our school’s musical, and I could definitely stay on pitch. But I did lose our school’s singing competition. I didn’t even place lol I have a very soft voice, and nothing big or strong, especially compared to other black girls.

I did take clarinet for 4 years of band class. It was pretty easy and fun for me, and other clarinetists often came to me for help or advice. But since I only played with my class, aka, a bunch of students who don’t even like music and don’t practice at home, I didn’t make a whole lot of progress. I could cover songs, but that was it. I would consider myself an early intermediate at most back then, but I haven’t played it since. It’s been more than 10 years.

My high school was sponsored and got a drumline, so we were all new students. We were all new and all got to the point where we were able to perform at various stages, including a downtown festival and Massey Hall with another school. I don’t know what level I would be since it is a group initiative more than anything, but I also haven’t played since.

A music teacher offered viola/violin lessons after school one year. I kinda forgot about it until I was looking for my friends to go home and they were in it. I was like, why not? Violins were all taken so I ended up with Viola (which I loved, before anyone says anything). We as a group never performed anything, but I did learn “Every Heart” by Boa from Inuyasha and played it on stage. It wasn’t anything spectacular, and the audience was quite loud, but that’s about the extent of my playing.

I’ve been playing keyboard since childhood. I got lessons as a kid for a year and then I would play more casually on my keyboard at home. It had a screen that could teach you songs, so I memorized a few easy songs from that. I did attempt to learn harder anime pieces, and it would require me writing down all the notes, learning each hand separately, and doing my best to memorize it, but I would have to play it slowly and was still prone to mistakes. I was able to create some easy versions of songs by ear, but my capabilities were limited. I didn’t realize how limited until my church wanted me to play something in a week or two.

You get the point. Many instruments, lots of experience, but I would never consider myself advanced at anything.

My Struggles With Self-Doubt & Insecurities As A Musician

There were other students who hung out in the music room who would play very loudly and I just thought they were showoffs. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just use headphones like everyone else and it was annoying when I was trying to hear myself.

There was a black guy who would play his electric guitar and improvise everyday, a couple asian students who would be playing complex pieces on piano, and of course other students like the drummer who was always going off.

While I was annoyed through the years, once I came to realize that I’m really not that great at music, my anger may have been disguised envy. I knew basic theory, but I couldn’t create music. I knew how to tell notes on a staff, but I couldn’t read and play. I knew all these instruments, but I only knew a few basic songs on each.

Maybe I wasn’t as musically talented as I thought cause they make it look so easy, but I’m struggling to play a piece I’ve been practicing for years without mistakes…

What more, my brother who was two years older and was always more of an art student, suddenly decided he wanted to be a music producer in Grade 11. He would take over the A/V for assembilies so people and staff knew him. They would ask ME if I got into music because of him. It annoyed me because my brother was a bully to me my entire life, so I didn’t want to be compared to him. The one thing I loved, he was doing more with it after graduation.

It sucked.

I gave up on music and attempted to find another hobby or talent, but nothing really stuck. I did try picking up other instruments after high school, including bass, violin, ocarina and harmonica, but they were too loud to play with my family around, or I just couldn’t play the music I really wanted to with them.

Trying Again With A New Mindset

After watching K-ON and playing Guitar Hero, I decided to give guitar a try. It was the one instrument I’ve avoided all this time because everyone could play guitar. I didn’t want to compete with others. I didn’t want to practice for years just to be average. But Guitar Hero made it look like a lot of fun, and it could help me bring my band dream to life, so I gave it a chance.

I did tell myself though, if I do make this purchase, I will stick with it. I am prone to getting bored or having second guessing and switching between ideas quite often. It’s one of my biggest faults. But I made that promise to myself and got one.

After a few weeks of callous pain, I actually really enjoyed the guitar. I was able to notice patterns a lot easier and after making sense of scales and chord progressions, I was able to create and improvise for the first time. I started learning more theory, but now my knowledge is too much for my current skill level haha

I did talk to other Instagram guitarists, and most were amazed by my skill level early on, saying they’ve been playing for 5 or 10+ years and can’t even improvise. I would try to discuss theory or make sense of Japanese music, but I was told just to have fun and try thing out, as they didn’t know theory. It was a bit frustrating, but it also proved to me that I was on the right path.

While I’ve been playing guitar for less than 2 years, I still have 16+ years of music background behind me. As they say, you’re not starting over from zero, you’re starting over with experience.

It’s been a long and hard battle with myself, feeling like I’ll never be able to do what other musicians do, but my guitar journey has been enlightening. I no longer compare myself to others and I’m happy with what I can do now that I actually practice regularly.

While I am still a beginner, my confidence is definitely higher than it’s ever been with other instruments. I’m not ashamed to show my playing and I’m not intimidated playing with others.

So here’s what I’ve learned, and what you need to know as well if you want to succeed as a musician!

What You Need To Know & Understand

Everyone Was Once A Beginner Like You

I know it’s hard to believe, especially when those people are around the same age, but most musicians who you see on stage or on Youtube have been practicing for years, sometimes decades.

Some love their instrument so much that they would practice 2-4 hours a day and even gave up social hangouts and opportunities to keep practicing. It comes naturally to them now because they’ve been practicing and practicing and practicing. Some of us just think anyone with a talent just has some innate talent, but what you’re seeing is actual years of hard work.

At one point, believe it or not, they were just like you. Fiddling on their instrument, struggling to play a song or a chord, wondering if it’s for them and sometimes quitting. So don’t compare yourself to those who have way more experience than you. You can get there eventually.

Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy

It’s amazing to think of how many people want to learn instruments but don’t.

When I was in high school, my Grade 9 band class was full (as it was mandatory for everyone to pick either music, drama or art), but I was the only one who signed up in Grade 10 and I was placed in a mixed 11/12 class with only 3 students to start. The music programs and clubs consisted of the same 12-15 kids! I didn’t think anyone really cared about music.

But as I’ve gotten older, as I’ve gotten to talk to more people, and as I tell people that I’m learning guitar, so many others tell me how they wished they could learn piano, how they used to play guitar, how they want to learn violin……but they don’t. Why? Who really knows. Self-doubt? Laziness? Thinking it’s for the talented? Not having money for lessons? It’s just so easy to envy others who do things we want to do but never work towards it.

Speaking of which, after picking up guitar again and getting more into it, my mom has approached me and tried to play it. She tried to recall chords she learned who knows how long ago and still expressed an interest to learn. She actually purchased (her choice) my first guitar from me and I went out of my way to print chord charts and easy gospel songs for her to learn, but she said she hasn’t touched it yet.

My unofficial grandma also came by one day while I was playing and similar to my mom, wanted to try it and recall the past. A lot of people love guitar, a lot started at one point, but so few stick to it. You can be one of the few who do, you know what I mean?

Playing an instrument is a wonderful thing. Not only is it great for the soul and the mind, but it opens a lot of opportunities for you. Even if you don’t want to play on some big stage, it gives you an opportunity to play and connect with other people, it’s something you could do for cash, and it’s always something you could show off and feel proud about. The time you put into it will be worth it.

The beginning phases is always the hardest part, but if you’re serious and your motivated, you’ll push past the hard parts and you’ll push past the places many beginners stop at. After that, it won’t be half bad and you can have more fun with it. You’ll end up practicing for hours without thinking about it, and in a few years, you’d be amazing too!

There’s this quote that goes along the lines that people don’t value things that come easy. Someone could give you a book that will tell you all the steps to become a millionaire, but because it’s free, you may not ever read it or take it seriously. But if you paid for a $6000 business course, you best believe you’ll be attending classes, doing all the assignments, and making sure you understand everything. This is just how humans work.

If you were able to learn how to play piano in a week, you may just get bored and move on to something else. You don’t get that satisfaction of working for it, nor do you value the skills you have since you didn’t work hard for it. Just something to think about.

Child Prodigies Won’t Be Prodigies Forever

Child prodigies are only idolized because they are children who can do things that are clearly beyond their age level, doing things grown adults can do and even things most can’t do. But have you ever noticed they are rarely talked about when they do grow up?

Kids are lucky in that they learn fast, and yes, some may have an innate talent for music and instruments. But more times than not, the child either becomes average as they grow up, or they lose interest and quit. If their talent came easy for them, they may not appreciate their talent or gift. If they were never passionate about it, then they won’t practice hard to push beyond their current levels. And if their parents forced them to do it, they will quit when they are old enough to make their own decisions.

That’s not to say no child prodigy ever continues. Some do, but after plateauing, they have to learn and grow like the rest of us. Other learners could advance and get past them. Either way, there aren’t many prodigies or naturally talented people for you to worry about or feel intimidated by.

Social Media Is A Lie (We Already Knew That Though)

If you’re scrolling through Instagram and it feels like there are so many extremely talented musicians on there, don’t feel too intimidated just yet.

First off, the majority of players will only upload perfect takes. They may have attempted a piece 25 or 100 times before they got the perfect take that they feel comfortable uploading. I really love this video with 3 advanced guitarists trying to imitate delay effects without pedals as they show us how many attempts it took since someone would always mess up.

Second, you may not know this, but the majority of them will pre-record themselves playing so they can have more fun on camera. Heck, on TikTok, most will use someone else’s playing and fake play completely. I love watching Stevie T react to them and call out these ‘guifakists’.

In this day and age, a lot of musicians are running with the trends to gain more likes and views. When something is released, they will work hard to practice and upload asap, but they don’t spend much time really memorizing the song or doing anything special with it. There’s really no reason to since viewers won’t notice anyways. Covering vocal lines of a song is super easy but it impresses millions!

So don’t assume because someone always posts amazing top-notch videos, that it was easy for them and they did that on the first try. Also, don’t assume that a popular ‘musician’ even played the song. You’ll end up feeling insecure when people aren’t even playing nor playing live.

Faster Does Not Always Mean Better

For some reason, non-musicians and some lead guitarists have this perception that faster means you’re a a better musician. This is why Flight of the Bumblebee comes up so much for talent competitions. While it certainly takes skill to move your hands that quickly, that doesn’t mean that speed is all that matters in music. I highly doubt you listen to 240bmp music all the time anyways.

There are some musicians who made videos comparing what people think is hard and what is actually hard for them, and usually the skilled songs are ones that are played slower and have other dynamics, vibrato, and just more feeling. There are blues kings who couldn’t shred but they made those few slow notes count and people loved them for that.

Nowadays, a lot of pop songs don’t have solos and a lot of people consider shredding as just unnecessary noise. They would rather hear something more musical and melodic. Lo-Fi, Indie, and Neo Soul music are killing the game right now.

So don’t feel discouraged if you don’t have fast fingers or aren’t even interested in playing fast. You do you. Find what you enjoy or what works for you and make the most of it.

Some Instruments Take More Time Than Others

Every instrument has it’s hurdles. There’s a reason why brass and woodwind are regularly used in band class as these are generally easier for students to pick up and start playing songs to, but they’re not all that easy.

The clarinet would be easier for more students if they previously played the recorder as they have similar dynamics. Once you learn to make a sound, you just need to learn the fingerings for 19 notes. As someone who played clarinet for 4 years in school, I will admit, it really isn’t that hard to get going.

Now compare that to the trumpet which requires you to position your mouth and blow a certain way just to get a decent sound out. After which, you need to learn how to blow certain ways to turn 3 buttons into 36 notes! Someone who doesn’t know about either may assume the 3 month clarinet player is way ahead of the trumpet, but the clarinet is also much easier to get started and get the right notes out.

For piano, anyone can press down a key and make a sound, so you can learn twinkle twinkle with your right hand in under a week, and if you take your time getting your hands to sync up, you may be able to play twinkle twinkle with both hands in a couple weeks. It’s more about remembering which button to press more than anything.

Guitar, on the other hand, while memory is certainly a big factor, your biggest problems starting out is getting your fingers to contort into unnatural chord shapes and it will take about 3-4 weeks to develop the calluses (hard fingertips) needed to play longer without pain. We’re not even considering the coordination required between both hands, developing rhythm while strumming, and getting notes to ring out clearly. It can takes months for anything to sound good and I’m sure this is a huge reason why so many guitarists quit early on.

So don’t compare yourself to other musicians who play different instruments. Chances are, if you ask someone who is doing what you want to do, you’ll realize you’re in a decent position for the time you have been playing.

There Is Enough Space For Everyone

In some cases, there will be competition, but as a whole, there’s enough space for any and every musician. We are better together! Isn’t that what makes bands and orchestras amazing?

An orchestra could have 10 or more violins! A drumline has so many snares and bass drum players, and for them, the more, the marrier! If you want to play in a band and just can’t seem to pass auditions, then make your own! You can always busk, start a channel, or do solo performances. There’s so many venues and paths you can take your music and your instrument!

Also, even if someone is way better than you, they may not even want to play the kind of music you like, or they may not want to perform on the same stages like you do, or they may not even be promoting on Instagram like you are.

Think about all the singers and rappers out there! There’s an audience for everyone, and everyone will chose a different ‘favourite’. As much as you may love a band and think they are the most amazing group to ever exist, someone else will name a different band and feel the same way.

So why compare yourself in a world where everyone has a different voice, a different sound, and a different message to share?

It’s okay to look and see so you know where to improve, but don’t watch others to belittle yourself. Feeling insecure isn’t going to get you anywhere. Just keep practicing and one day you’ll be at their level or even pass them!

Conclusion

I hope this article has helped ease your nerves and has given you a bit more confidence. The journey is hard, and I’m saying this as a rookie guitar myself, but knowing these truths has helped me be more positive about my playing and my future as a musician. I hope it has done the same for you <3

I definitely recommend watching this video on what could be holding you back from progress as well.

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