In today’s society, we have a tendency to admire talented and/or intelligent people, especially kids. The idea of this little being playing complex pieces on piano or a young one doing university level math at an age when you were picking your nose and playing with Barbies is fascinating to us.
But these individuals tend to give a lot of us doubts. Perhaps we were compared to them by our loved ones, or maybe we’ve been practicing something for years and this kid is already passed your level after 4 months of playing.
They make it look so easy, don’t they? They just touched a piano one day, everything was so natural to them, and now they’re winning competitions. And you?? Ha! In your dreams!
Should you even try anymore? Is there a point in practicing?
Even if it’s not kids, but say someone local or in your class who just seem to have such natural abilities for their art. You know you can’t compete with them, and that either leaves you with envy or jealousy.
It sucks! And I say this because I totally understand you!
My Story
I almost gave up music forever because, although I may be better than my classmates who never cared about music to begin with, the other kids who visited the music room during breaks were clearly more talented than I. They were able to create, improvise, and solo. They could play complex pieces or play really quick riffs.
Me? I mean, I could play some late beginner songs I’ve memorized and practiced for ages. I could easily learn the songs in the beginner books they gave us, but that was about it.
I’ve played keyboard since childhood. Took a year or two of lessons then, and then I would learn songs off my keyboard. They were actually quite difficult for me to learn so I was really proud of myself and show off with them, but hearing and seeing another teen be able to actually read music and play classical pieces had me shook.
I played Clarinet for 4 years in school in music class. I mean, again, best of my class, but because everyone was always somewhat of a beginner, I don’t think I was ever really challenged much. I spent a lot of time just doodling in class waiting for others to catch up and learn the piece that I already had down. I didn’t have my own Clarinet to practice beyond those years.
I’ve tried other instruments, but I never really stuck with it long enough or practiced often enough to get anywhere. I share that story in detail in my other post about low-self esteem as a musician, but let’s get back to prodigies and intimidation.
All in all, I totally know how it feels when you think you’re making growth and you’re trying to celebrate your successes, learning something new, playing something perfectly etc, but you can’t help put feel…unworthy in a sense.
When I was considering picking up guitar, an instrument I’ve avoided my life BECAUSE there was so much competition and I didn’t want to compete, I had to have a real heart to heart with myself.
I really wanted to bring my band dream to life. I kinda tried drums but didn’t have the space nor the privacy for a kit. I already tried bass but I just wasn’t feeling it. If the band thing couldn’t happen, I also wouldn’t have much of a backup plan (or so I thought, Davie504 kinda changed my mind on that haha). But essentially, guitar was what was left.
If anything, it was perfect. An electric guitar not plugged in was definitely quite enough, and I would have a lot of freedom when it came to playing….but was I willing to start on this journey knowing I may only be mediocure at best….
I wanted to be good though. I wanted to be better than good. I wanted to do more than I could on past instruments. I wanted to feel confident playing and be able to create something on the spot if asked to play. I just…didn’t want to feel the way I felt back then.
If I were to purchase this used instrument…I had to promise to stick with it regardless.
And I did. I am proud of that. I may have taken some long breaks, especially after a private tutor discouraged me after just 3 lessons, but I’m back at it.
And at this point, after practicing, after hearing other’s stories, after gaining more insight and falling in love with my instrument, prodigies and more advanced players don’t even cross my mind anymore.
It’s not that I’ve forgotten their existence, but my mindset has changed. And I’m here to tell you what I’ve learned through this experience so you can change your mindset too!
Prodigies Don’t Stay Prodigies Forever
Have you ever taken the time to check up on prodigies you saw on TV ages ago?
What I found is that, the majority of the time, that child prodigy either quits once they have control over their life, or they become average. If you don’t want to bother searching up specific individuals, you can check out the stories of Gifted kids. You know, the ones that took higher level AP classes or even went to a smarter middle school.
What they came across in school was easy for them. Easy to learn, easy to memorize. They usually didn’t have to study much or they were able to process answers at a crazy speed. But for most of them, university was their wake up call.
Many started getting poor or average grades and since they never had to study back then, they don’t know how to study now. They used to get compliments and praise all the time, but now people don’t look at them differently. They had such high self-esteem and ego as a kid, but suddenly, it was swept away.
Child prodigies are certainly impressive, but it’s also only impressive because they are a kid. Adults have usually played what they played before, but they don’t get the same recognition. And some of these kids may peak as teens then start going downhill as they don’t want to work to move beyond their current abilities, so don’t feel too intimidated by them!
Advanced Players Have Been Practicing For Ages
The next biggest shock for me was finally realizing and accepting that those who were better than me have actually been playing for much much longer than me.
It’s such an obvious concept, but because of *cough* prodigies *cough* we tend to assume that “talented” individuals also had some natural ability that, if we aren’t born with it, we can’t do what they do.
But that isn’t the case. In fact, it’s far from the truth.
When I started reaching out to other guitarists on Instagram and asked how long they’ve been playing, I’ve heard 5 years, 8 years, 10+ years. They may be around my age, but they have picked it up much longer and have been playing consistently since.
Here I was, less than a year into Guitar at the time, feeling jealous of people when I haven’t been practicing for a fraction of the time they have.
It’s encouraging in a way though. That means with time, I could get to their level. I’m not behind or anything, they are just far ahead.
Everyone Has Peaks Then Falls Down Again
The path of the musician is a shaky one. It isn’t straightforward at all. There’s a reason why there’s so many books for every instrument and they all teach different things!
While certain instruments like wind and brass may be limited in their abilities and it is totally possible to learn all there is to know in a few years, other instruments like guitar, piano, drums, strings, are just so full of possibilities!
But this means when you learn something, you’ll feel ontop of the world, and you’ll feel super capable, but then you realize there’s still so much out there to learn.
You may also peak at times, feeling like you’ve plateaued and done all you can or you just don’t know how or where to move forward, it can be frustrating. You lose motivation or you just start repeating the same things over and over, wasting time.
You have to remember that music is an art. And just like artists, they can take all the classes they want, they can go to as many museums possible and talk to all the pros available, but art comes from within. Being original is hard, but what matters is that they find their style and keep growing so they can create what they want to create.
Some Guitarists Are Frauds
I’m just using the word fraud to get your attention….do I have it?
I’m not saying they can’t play or that they’re fake playing (like certain Tiktok videos going around), but rather because so many guitarist can learn from tabs and tutorials, or they could learn a pentatonic box pattern and improve decently with that, many can come off as amazing players, but they are very limited in their abilities.
They can’t learn a song by ear. If the tabs aren’t available, they wouldn’t know what to do. They can’t create a chord progression for you to jam to. They only focused on lead and can’t even strum or keep rhythm. Or they can play the instrument technically, but they lack any musical ability or creativity. They just copy and repeat. They can be great in a familiar position, but ask them to play in a different key, and they stand there like a deer in a headlight. (Don’t believe me? Check out this article on lead guitarists who refuse to learn rhythm and other’s experiences with them).
If that’s all you want to do, then I’m not going to get in your way. But if you are reading this, and you’re a newer guitarist or one with a few years under your belt, and you’re wondering how you can get ahead of the competition, music theory can take you places.
I’ve been told by people with 8+ years experience that they are impressed by my progress in such a short time and even complimenting me because I could learn a song by ear when they can’t, but honestly, it’s only because I care about music and theory helps me as a logical learner. Just a pro tip if you care to take it. Feel free to read my article on the benefits of learning music theory.
All in all, don’t assume a technically skilled guitarist is a great guitarist. Playing an instrument includes musicality. To some listeners, shredding is just noise. Some would rather listen to a good rhythm who can play a groovy and spicy chord progression than a lead guitarist who can only solo.
People Have Different Musical Tastes
It’s natural to feel competitive or envious if you see a more advanced musician, but are they even playing what you want to play? Outside of the bands you love who I would you love and they inspire you, how about the other people you’re intimidated by?
There was a black kid back in my school’s music room who would always play his guitar through his amp. I didn’t understand why he had to be so loud that I could hear him through my big headphones at my keyboard, but that’s beyond the point. If i was learning guitar then, I may feel envy as he had some skills….but he usually played jazz, which is not my goal or interest.
Same with the few asian kids who would play on the grand piano and break out some complex classical pieces. That’s certainly impressive but like….I don’t even want to play classical music.
The reason why there are so many great musicians to name out there is not just because they are a great musician, but because they’re spread out across so many genres or they have a certain sound or style or whatever that makes them unique.
I want to play Japanese-sounding rock music. Super niche, super unique. It’s a genre that hasn’t been explored in the West and thus I couldn’t even find music theory lessons on them and why they sound so different.
Why would I, someone who is going to explore this whole new genre, going to feel intimidated by someone who plays metal, or funk? There’s enough space for everyone to stand out, as long as they work towards that.
If It’s Not A Competition, You Don’t Have To Compete
I’m going to asssssssume you’re over 18, and if that’s the case, you probably don’t have to worry much about competition. There is no first place. There is no finish line.
I get that we grew up always feeling like we had to be better, we had to get good grades, we had to be good at sports, we had to be able to do this and that, and if we can’t, we’re a failure. But life as a musician isn’t like that!
You are free to mess up. You are free to try again. You are free to do 50 takes of a song before you feel comfortable enough to post it. You are free to completely change a song and make it your own and people are going to appreciate it. You are free to take as long as you need to learn a skill because there’s no exam at the end. YOU ARE FREE!
The other musicians around you, they are not your classmates (or maybe they are, but I’m talking on a global scale). What is you worrying about them and comparing yourself to them going to do? If you’re not competiting against them, don’t worry about it! Relax!
You don’t need to be at their level. You don’t need to be as good as them. You just need to be a better you than you were yesterday. A better musician than yesterday. That’s your only competition.
Music Is About Learning & Growth
And that leads me to my last point. Music is about growth.
Do you remember when you first picked up your instrument? Do you remember how it felt to make your first clear note on a flute, or when you somehow contourted your hands and played a G chord for the first time? Your first song on piano, even if it was just a right-handed Hot Cross Buns?
You’re reading this because you are already somewhat past the absolute beginner phase in your instrument, so clearly you’ve made a lot of progress already. You need to give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself. You’re amazing!
So many people give up on instruments or only played for a year or two in school, but you’re here taking this life long journey into learning your instrument.
I get it, I get it! You don’t sound that great right now, or you just keep messing up on certain skills, or maybe you’re not at a level required to get into a school or pass an audition, but it’s okay! There’s time! There’s next year and the next year. It’s never too late for anything.
So for now, enjoy this journey. Remember where you came from, and perhaps start recording yourself so you can keep track of your progress when you’re feeling discouraged. Always praise yourself when you learn something new or get through a song without mistakes. Treat yourself kindly and show yourself love.
Months or years down the line, you’ll be at a level where others are praising you and looking up to you and perhaps being envious or intimidated by you too.
Just always aim to have a growth mindset. And a growth mindset is essentially knowing and believing that you can change and become anything you aim to be.
If you such at Tuba right now, someone with a fixed mindset would tell themselves they’re a bad musician and it’s just not in their blood, while someone with a growth mindset will tell themselves that they can get a hold of it with time, they can learn anything they want.
If you didn’t place at a recital, someone with a fixed mindset would say something like, “see, I’m horrible! I knew I’d suck, I should give up, I’ll never get 1st place” while someone with a growth mindset will say “that sucks, but I’ll learn from this. I’ll review the clips and take the criticism the judges gave me, and come back next year better than ever”.
If you believe you can be great, you will be. If you don’t think you’ll ever be good at your instrument, you won’t be. Your mind is a very powerful tool as it controls your actions that will determine the future.
Final Note
All in all, you are not alone. Every musician feels the way you are feeling now, and even those who have been playing for decades may still feel like they aren’t good enough or that they should quit. They may not feel like they are improving. But while they can’t see it, everyone else can.
When I was about 3 months in to learning guitar again after a 2 year break and I recently got a new brand name guitar, Music is Win uploaded this video called “Every Phase of a Guitar Player’s Life”.
As a black female, I didn’t think it would apply to me, but boy, was it accurate. I was laughing (and I’m laughing now as I rewatch), but it was comforting to know I was on the right path. You could say I’m on the grinding phase now and hopefully next year, I’ll be playing my first gigs with my cover band, Chromatic Dreamers 😉 XD