Nostalgia's Portfolio
Hello! Nostalgia here!
I realized I don’t have a place where all my musical activities, performances, and videos are compiled,
so I’ve placed everything here for better reference.
I hope my lifelong journey will inspire others to keep trying even when things don’t work out,
and to try again when things fail. And most of all, to treasure their connections along the way <3
My Childhood / Teenhood
Prior to 2014
I took music all through school. While I definitely wasn’t naturally talented or anything, if you gave me time, I could learn a few songs. The first instrument I dabbled with was the keyboard as my parents had one and also played casually. They also put me and my brother in for beginner lessons for a few months.
In school, I played recorder in Grade 4 and 5, and then Clarinet between Grade 6-9. Since my classmates never took the subject seriously, I only got to play easier songs throughout the semester, thus why clubs became a haven to me. I would hang in the music room during lunch or after school, and at one point, I saw a group of guys practicing as they were a band, and since then, I just felt this spark in me to do something similar one day. Sadly, I didn’t have friends who were interested in playing instruments, or they were too shy to ever go on stage.
The first club I took seriously was choir in Grade 8, and we ended up collaborating with other local middle schools to perform at Roy Thompson Hall with some famous jazz singer. In Grade 10, my high school was sponsored to start a drumline, so I joined and we got to perform in quite a few places around Toronto in my 2 active years. We also had a cheerleading squad and the drama club put on a musical, so I was active in those for a year. One of the music teachers offered after school violin/viola lessons, and since my friends joined, I also joined and ended up with viola.
In Grade 11, my band class was cancelled due to lack of students, so I ended up taking Music & Computers.
In this class, we learned to make some simple songs on Fruity Loops (which is now FL Studio). I don’t recall doing much outside of piano roll, making beats, and recreating some simple songs, but it was a good introduction to production.
Later in the year, we had a field trip to a studio. I thought we were just going to watch the producer do his work, but after he laid down a track, we all worked together to create lyrics, and then they had to choose someone to sing. I was the only student with a history of being on stage, and the rest were shy introverted asians, so I got pushed in the booth. It was quite awkward as my brother was the teacher’s assistant and we never had a good relationship, but I pushed through. I was quite embarrassed of the track as well, but I was honoured to have such an experience. A few years later, I lost my copy, so I reached out to the producer as I still had his business card, and he sent me an updated version where had added his own lines to the end of the track.
By the time I finished high school, I decided to retire from music. I realized I wasn’t that great at any instrument since I didn’t practice anything consistently, and I didn’t have the ‘natural talent’ that others had to improvise, create, or play complex pieces. I also figured I didn’t have a career in the field and it was super competitive, so why bother? I was mediocre at everything, which was a bit embarrassing since music was my identity, but it also lost it’s appeal when my brother switched from art to music to become a producer, and I didn’t want to be compared to him. After graduating, I tried picking up some instruments like harmonica, violin, and ocarina as a hobby, but they were too loud to practice at home around my family.
My First FanMade Music Video
July 2014
You ever just feel inspired to make something about something you love? I had a lot of online friends who loved Digimon as much as I did, and I was writing fanfics with them as characters on Facebook notes. At some point, I thought about making a short film, but couldn’t find in-person friends to join me. I had another friend who wasn’t a fan who helped me film, and it was a bit awkward being my silly self in front of her, but it was a lot of fun creating this little video regardless <3 To think Brave Heart from Digimon was my first Youtube video, but also one of the last songs I covered with my band 10 years later!
My First Band Attempt
August 2015
After watching K-ON!!, an anime about a rookie high school girl band, I felt re-inspired to pursue my childhood dream of playing with a band on stage. One of my high school friends who played bass agreed to join, but I had to find everyone else online. Ironically, we all were already K-ON!! fans, so we picked about 3 songs to learn. I was initially planning to learn the drum kit since I had a good foundation with drumline, but without an actual kit to practice on, I didn’t want to risk holding the band back. Thus, I ended up playing keyboard, and a multi-instrumentalist switched to drums. We came together for rehearsal and everything went really well! We got through the songs with relative ease and sounded pretty good, if I should say so myself.
Unfortunately, everyone had different schedules and priorities, some were coming from outside of the city, so it was impossible planning a second rehearsal. The singer was an international student and also went back home. I had high hopes for the group, and kept trying to make arrangements, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Not all was lost though, as it’s through this project that I met Ptollemy who would join me again for Chromatic Dreamers, and Ty/Yumiko Kurosawa who later introduced me to Dolly Momoiro, who would host one of our gigs.
My History With Dance
2006-2016
Another casual interest of mine was dancing. I’m not the typical black girl who’ll freestyle and groove to anything, but I like a good routine. The first time I think I took any real interest was thanks to High School Musical as they had a dance along version. I knew most of the routines and even got to dance “All for One” with my Grade 8 choir. After that, I start coming across more Jpop dances on Youtube and started learning some for fun. I just thought they were so cute and positive, you can’t help but be in a good mood after you watch them. While I wanted to make a dance group, just like with musicians, I couldn’t find friends who wanted to dance. I managed to somehow get another girl to dance with me for one school performance and we did “Dancin and Dreamin” by Hinoi Team (no footage…thankfully).
In Grade 12, some of my friends were really into Kpop, so they asked me to join them as they wanted to do a mashup for the talent show. I didn’t care for the boy groups they listened to, but the girl groups that I got to watch had more variety and appeal. They kept switching songs, so I ended up learning a lot of dances from a lot of groups and losing quite a few pounds, but they didn’t end up going through with it anyways. After high school, I bought myself a used Wii with a few Just Dances and Zumba, and I would say that’s when I started dancing a bit more confidently and accurately.
I had one friend who was open to doing Jpop dances with me, but she had some insecuries that she wanted to deal with first before getting on camera. After waiting years for her, I asked if she was even that interested, and she admitted she didn’t really care to so I moved on. I then tried posting ads online to find members for a Jpop dance group, but had no takers. I was open to doing Kpop so I made an ad for that and got people right away. We practiced for at least half a year, me mostly teaching, and us working on positions and confidence as most of us were kinda shy and not natural dancers.
We started with 5 members plus a bonus who was dating another member and was attending rehearsals anyways, so when one member dropped out due to her parents, she was able to fill in. But months later, another member had a scary incident on the bus ride home and immediately dropped out. All our dances required 5 members, and there wasn’t much we could do to salvage them so they had to be scraped. We then consider some 4-person dances, but a lot of those groups tend to be sexier and more intricate (ie. Sistar, Mamamoo, EXID, MissA, Stellar, Kara, Girl’s Day), whereas we were more of a fun, chill, tomboyish group (4Minute, F(x), Spica, Twice, Wondergirls, APink, Orange Caramel). When one of the remaining members broke her leg at work, we went on hiatus.
After meeting up a few times to hang (karaoke, board game cafes, Pacific Mall), the group expressed their interest in dancing again, so I started making a new plan for us. Sadly, the dance studio we were renting at closed down, and all the other studios were far and had no availability during the few times we could meet, so once again, it just wasn’t meant to be. I still made great friends through this project, in fact, it’s through the couple in this group that I met Chu/Cloud who became the singer of Chromatic Dreamers!
Regardless, I just had an itch to dance and perform or record something. I’ve been dancing for years with nothing to show for it. I also spent a lot of money hosting rehearsals but we never got to record anything before we lost a member. So once it was nice outside, I learned some solo Jpop dances and recorded them just to get it off my chest. I had no intentions of dancing again.
My Solo Japan Trip
May 2018
While this wasn’t a performance at all, it was a life changing moment for me. I’ve only gone to the Caribbean and to the States with my family, but Japan was on my bucket list. For years, me and my broke friends have talked about going, but plans were never made and tickets were never secured. At this point, I paid off all my student loans and debts, and built enough of a savings to treat myself. I watched a lot of animes and Jdramas that made me really think about life, and how we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Or even if I do see it, I can always lose a limb in an accident or get diagnosed with a chronic disease and be unable to do all the things I wanted to do. I also didn’t want to get old and live with regrets like many of our parents did. I didn’t wanna grow bitter and envious because everyone else around me seemed to do what the wanted while I always put myself last to help my family or just out of a victim mindset.
So I asked some friends if they think they can go to Japan in the next year or two, but no one was able to. Money, lack of vacation days, or having trips to elsewhere planned already…..so I decided, why not go myself? It was a scary thought at first. I’ve never planned such a big thing, and I watched enough MayDay to be scared of plans, but at the same time, I’m quite independent, I’m comfortable with getting around Toronto on our public transit system, and I’d probably have more fun that way. I know most of my friends are foodies, but I’m a super picky eater, so I would rather spend my time doing activities, shopping, or seeing other unique things than be dining in restaurants for 12 hours everyday. Once I thought about it, I was excited. I asked my mom, and she didn’t want me to go, especially alone, but with enough convincing, that Japan is safe, and her knowing I can speak a bit and such, she finally gave me permission and I booked my $1600 round trip, no-insurance, flight tickets right away. I booked it for 3 months in the future, which was the minimum that websites say you should plan, and also the soonest I could get time off. I spent a lot of time researching, planning, organizing, and booking, being meticulous to make sure I did everything I was super eager to do in my 5 days there. Why not longer? Because every night costs money, and because I wasn’t sure if I would get homesick.
I had a blast on my trip. I visited a couple animal cafes (owl and hedgehog), an indoor VR amusement park, hung out in a couple onsens, saw some Digimon locations, played a lot of musical video games, and just enjoyed exploring a new country on my own. Japan has certainly made my childhood through anime, Nintendo, origami, games, toys, etc, and it even inspired me to pursue a few of my true childhood dreams. But what made this trip so special was seeing what I was capable of if I truly put my mind to it, if I had confidence in myself, and if I stopped letting people get in my way. If I could go to Japan, survive on my own, and get back safely, any other dream felt like a piece of cake in comparison. I really felt inspired to do more after I got back, to take those steps, and to have faith for the future! It was also a great reminder to not wait or procrastinate. I got to do a couple other solo trips around Canada before the pandemic started, and a lot of nostalgic sites in Japan closed down by then, so I’m thankful I went when I went.
First Time Back On Stage
February 17, 2019
2018 and 2019 were life changing years for me. I grew up with a poor and victim mindset, so I was focused on just getting a good job and paying the bills. After watching a few more anime or J-drama series where characters became disabled or died early, I really didn’t want to procrastinate and live with regrets, or to lose a limb or develop a chronic disease and be unable to do all the things I wanted to. The first thing I did was plan a trip to Japan. I was hoping to go with friends, but they were busy or broke, so I opted to go alone. Mind you, my family hasn’t travelled in over a decade, and the only places I’ve been to were America and the Caribbean, so I was terrified. I watched a lot of MayDay on Discovery channel, so I was scared of planes too. Perhaps Japan would have their megaquake while I was there too….but I had to go. I would always be envious of others or bitter if I didn’t. Thank God, I went and came back safely. Since then, I just had so much courage to pursue and cross off other things on my bucket list. I did other solo trips across Canada, saw the Northern lights, went hang gliding, saw my favourite band in concert, and so on.
On the side, I kept in touch with the guitarist from my first band attempt. He invited me to watch a couple of his gigs, which included Dolly’s 1st Idol Revolution event. While there, the guitarist introduced us to each other. When Dolly made an add promoting her 2nd Idol Revolution event, I decided to reach out to ask if I could dance. I didn’t have a name for myself, but I at least had some videos to prove I was serious. Instead of giving me a solo slot, she offered me the chance to be a guest on her own dance team. We practiced weekly for about 2-3 months, and I had a lot of fun hanging with the other girls. Through this event, I realized getting on stage didn’t have to be hard or difficult, so it truly gave me the boost to pick up guitar again the following year.
My First Guitar CoverS
2021-2022
Our debut as an acoustic band has come and past. The JCCC (Japanese Canadian Cultural Centre) is always a comfy place to be. We definitely felt more confident this time around, and I think we did pretty well! Thanks again Emily for allowing us to re-debut at your convention ^_^ And thanks Ray (@rayjoevideo) for being our sound guy again and for the amazing photos while we were on stage! We’d also like to thank the other volunteers who helped us set up on stage. We really appreciate your time and care.
We love you all!~<3
Pretty Heroes Convention
Sunday, August 14, 2022
My band’s first gig ever! After I got an audition tape for my band in December, I was sending out emails to any and every anime event the following month. Most didn’t reply (some of which has ceased to be), a couple did just to say they didn’t have a place for us (as anime cons are more suited for singers, dancers, and cosplayers). Thankfully, one reached back with an opportunity and I will always be thankful. Their only request was that we did an acoustic set due to the space, but we didn’t mind as we were happy to get any gig, any experience. Since it was during the ending ceremonies, most people already left the con, and other participants were busy setting down and packing up, so it was a small crowd…which was great as we were so nervous haha.
Dolly's 3rd Idol Revolution
Sunday, September 18, 2022
The summer was already here and I couldn’t find an actual ‘stage’ for my band to perform at. Having gone through so much, I really didn’t want to keep the group going for another year, but I had a promise to keep to them. Thankfully, Dolly reached out to tell me about her next Idol Revolution event, aka, the event my friend invited me to where I met her and where I previously danced with her. I asked if it would be possible for my band to perform there, and she said of course! And just like that, the dream finally came to life. So many things had to come together for this night to happen, and it truly is a testament to how important connections are in the music world <3
Our First Duo Covers
Sunday, July 16, 2023
After going on hiatus for a few months, the singer kept nudging me to make another band. I was over it as I got to live the band dream and started focusing on my faith, but it was the first time I’ve seen her actually passionate or enthusiastic about something. She joined me when I nagged her to be my singer, so it only felt fair to return the favor. We got together and quickly learned over 20 songs. We recorded a couple covers and stated reaching out to cafes, hoping to find a regular local gig. Not much luck on that end, but what we did over the next 4 months was much bigger than we could have ever imagined!
Pretty Heroes Convention (Again!)
Sunday, July 16, 2023
The organizer was happy to have us play for them again. This time, they had a secondary stage and Emily offered us a 30 minute slot. We ended up playing 6 songs+encore. While neither of us like the spotlight, we definitely felt more at ease this time around. Thanks again Emily for allowing us to re-debut at your convention ^_^ And thanks Ray (@rayjoevideo) for being our sound guy again and for the amazing photos while we were on stage! We’d also like to thank the other volunteers who helped us set up on stage. We really appreciate your time and care. We love you all!~<3
Japan Festival Canada
Saturday, August 19, 2023
When I saw Japan Festival was looking for acts, I figured, why not shoot my shot? I didn’t know about it the year before, but I doubt we would have had enough of a name for them to even look at us. Whereas this year, I had a popular blog and videos from previous gigs to share, and they said sure! We were initially offered a 30-minute slot, but since they had some bigger guest acts coming, they gave us 15, which honesty, I’m grateful for. Being the only musician and knowing the size of the crowd, I’d rather have less songs that I could play very well. We practiced our whole set multiple times, even practicing the end where we would take pictures with the crowd haha. Once we got started, we were okay. There was no soundcheck so there were technical issues and lots of feedback, but we powered through and made the most of the moment. We’re so thankful for he organizer, Andrew, for giving us space on the stage, along with all the others behind the scenes who continue to make this event an amazing success. We couldn’t have asked for a better or bigger finale for the Chromatic Dreamers Band Project. It truly means the world to us!! ;______;
My Christian-Themed Jpop-Inspired Music
Janauary 2023 - Ongoing
After I was gifted FL Studio and learned how to operate the platform, I started making music. I never planned to be an artist, nor do I expect it to go viral, but it was fun getting to use all the theory I’ve learned since playing guitar and doing something with it. I only write when I’m inspired, and I only spend a couple days to a week working on each song. As long as I’m happy with it, I’ll just release it and move on. Just like with guitar, my main goal is to inspire others to put themselves out there even when they don’t feel ready.
SErving At A Church Plant (oAKVILLE)
January 2024 - October 2024
I promised God that after the festival, I wouldn’t play guitar again unless for Him. I came back to my faith seriously that year and I realized how much practicing secular songs took away my time and attention from Him. I wanted to sanctify my whole life, including my money, talents, and time to God, His will and His kingdom. Additionally, I was desiring fellowship with people who felt the same, but having grown up in the legalistic and heretical Seventh-Day Adventist church, I wasn’t sure where to start. I’ve always gone to church on Saturday/Sabbath, so Sunday was always my only free day, but I wanted to be obedient regardless.
In January, a pastor from a church plant in Oakville found my profile on Bandmix and reached out to me on Instagram. I asked some doctrinal questions and said I’ll check them out if they can provide a ride. Due to the distance, I said I’ll bring my guitar and could maybe get a vibe for the band instead of waiting a whole week to do so, but I wasn’t expecting to be put on stage for the actual service. They only gave me 1 out of 2 songs, and they changed the key during the rehearsal, so it threw me for a loop, but I powered through thanks to a capo and the musical theory I knew. The other musicians were being borrowed from another church, so if they at least had me as their own personal musician, they could finally move to an earlier service, though they would have to change locations as that place was being rented in those hours. I didn’t mind the initial 2pm service where we’d leave at 12pm as I was a night owl, but they later moved to 10am which had me waking up at 6 or 7am, which I haven’t had to wake up for in years. I had to learn the progressions of the songs due to the key changes and had to practice using my ear a lot more since I didn’t know where the singers would go next in the songs. Sometimes, I’d even sing backup vocals if a singer was missing or it was needed. I also quickly got involved with setting up and down since my ride was the first to arrive, would sit next to visitors (as I was alone my first visit), and ended up helping to rebuild their website and evangelized with the church and so on. I was a member after all.
In the end, I just had to leave as my heart was quite burdened and grieved. A lot was just a mismatch of preferences, goals, and beliefs. While non-denominational, they were Pentecostal in nature. I didn’t know about spiritual gifts before as the SDA church believed they ceased, so I was thankful to learn and open up to the idea, but I didn’t like being pushed or expected to speak in tongues (and I can’t be pressured to do anything I don’t believe or agree with). Their home church was in Nigeria so everyone else was a recent Nigerian immigrant and I couldn’t relate to them much. I also wanted to talk more about God and end times but the other young ladies were more focused on the affairs of life like dating and work. I enjoyed my single lifestyle and wanted to focus on God, give Him all my love and attention, aiming to be like Jesus and Paul, but the pastor didn’t see the beauty in that and tried to convince me to get married and have a family. His wife was also a pastor, but I think the book of Timothy is clear that only men should be pastors. And the church was quite seeker-sensitive, leaning on the Word of Faith movement, but I needed spiritual meat and I knew that we were never promised comfort and prosperity in this life as Christians.
On top of that, I was hurt to learn that they weren’t being honest or transparent with me. The pastor told me they were ‘borrowing’ the initial musicians and he knew their parents, so I assumed they were volunteers like myself. They weren’t enthusiastic about serving God and didn’t practice before coming, but they had the talents to wing it. After they left, he brought in another girl who turned out to be Muslim, and I don’t think you can worship God ‘in Spirit and in truth’ if you’re not a believer. I added her on Instagram and we chatted, and she told me she was waiting for word about coming back, turns out she was being paid and that just didn’t sit right with me knowing her background. I really thought she was interested in being a Christian, but now I knew the truth and shared my thoughts with the pastor. Both the pastor and lead singer tried to stop me from talking to the musicians they brought in, but I didn’t see why. It’s a free country, I can talk to whoever I want to talk to, and more so if they’re a Christian brother or sister. Later, we had a talented keyboardist who didn’t practice and had timing issues since she didn’t listen to the songs at all. Turns out, they were paying her more than twice of the other girl, and I was done. We’re a struggling church plant and I was tithing, even giving more than I could to help them afford their own place, just for them to keep it secret that other musicians were being paid. It was clear they cared more about having the appearance of a big church with a big band than just being satisfied with authentic worship.
I don’t think it was all for waste though. The opportunity allowed me to get comfortable with going to church on Sunday and going every week. I also gained a lot of confidence as a guitarist, being able to play even if they gave me a different song that morning, and any remaining stage freight was gone after 30+ services. It just wasn’t my permanent church home. Hopefully I’ll find one that I’m more aligned with and is much closer to where I live.
Guitarist In A Gospel Music Video
March 9, 2023 (Released April 19, 2023)
In March, I got a random message on Instagram. Someone was asking if I was available to be part of a music video that was being filmed the following day. They were looking on Instagram for Christian guitarists in Toronto, and since my profile was updated to reflect serving at the church above, they reached out to me. I had to ask a lot of questions first, like when and where and what they need from me, because once I say ‘yes’ to something, I always follow through. Since it was the day before, I knew they were desperate so I was willing to help my Christian siblings even before realizing there was money on the table. When I said ‘yes’ they were so thankful. I know they reached out to someone else, but I don’t think they responded. They also said they knew I was the right one as my most recent post at that time shared my testimony.
They told me they wanted ‘earth tones’, so I made sure I had a suitable outfit, changed the strap on my guitar and packed anything I may need. Thankfully, my hair was cornrowed, so I could easily do a twist out style in the morning. I didn’t need to actually play as it was pre-recorded, but I wasn’t going to be caught as a ‘guifakist’, so I still listened to the track to figure out accurate chords. Unfortunately, the draft they sent was quite different from the final version that was edited post production haha. It was only meant to be a 2-hour affair, from like 5:30-8pm, but since their original studio didn’t allow drums, they rushed to find another place that was available that same evening. The artist and her family (her husband was the bassist) was flying out the following day, so it really had to happen that night. It was truly a miracle that everything worked out. We started recording around 10pm and finished up around midnight. It was cool getting to talk to the artist, Toyin Crandell, and others during the wait, and also an amazing experience getting to be part of such a high production video. The official music video was released a month later alongside her book. More details in my article.
Chroamtic Dreamers Collab Project
nOVEMBEr 2, 2024
Since I started focusing on my faith, I didn’t have much to write about for my blog, but I also didn’t want the platform to go dead…but I also didn’t want to change the Japanese music theme it was built on. The only possible compromise was to do Japanese Christian music. The thing is, Japan has less than a 1% Christian population, so when I tried looking for such music in the past, I was unsuccessful, only finding a couple low quality ones. Knowing that the artists were few and others were also looking for similar music, I decided to start an article to compile any and every Japanese Christian artist I could find. Thanks to Youtube and Spotify recommendations, along with Reddit threads and such, I was able to find quite a bunch in my first search. I then shared the article in some Facebook groups that are focused on sharing the gospel to Japanese people, and they also gave me a bunch of recommendations. After that, new ones would pop up automatically, so the list currently has over 100 artists!
In a further effort to help promote these artists and the music they make, I considered starting a collab band where we could cover these Japanese Christian songs. I found a couple Christian friends who allowed me to test the idea of a ‘1-day practice and record session’, but one musician had an emergency so it didn’t work out. I had yet to get responses from other local musicians, but I’m still open to trying this band project idea out!
Serving At A Local Church
2025-
After leaving the church above, I took a well deserved break. It was nice not playing guitar for a while and also giving my soul a chance to recoup and focus on God again. I told God that I was open to going to church again, but I’m tired of making my own decisions or assumptions and things not working out, so I wasn’t going to look for one. In late January, a Baptist church came to my door to evangelise. From the interaction alone, it was clear they cared deeply about souls and doctrine, but I still prayed hard about it for the rest of the day, whether I should check them out the next day or weeks later or never, but I got a sign to go and they were great. They used hymns and the sermon was biblically strong and convicting. Even as a guest, they were warm and welcoming.
The pastor’s wife is the main person on the music ministry. She would play violin with the hymns during song service, and also minister by singing to the church. Another lady would also sing now and then, and she was the first to really engage with me after my first visit, even before knowing I played anything. They were eager to have me join them, but I said give me a little while to settle in. Well after 5 weeks of going twice a week, I agreed and my first performance was a duet where I played guitar and the pastor’s wife sang. Then I sang as part of a trio. I’ve also pulled out my ocarina that I bought over a decade ago and only played a couple times to learn to read hymns so I can play with the wife.
I like that I have a bit more freedom to explore and take breaks instead of being expected to perform every week, but I’m also eager to step in so the wife can take a break now and then. I’m happy that my soul can be fed and I can have some true Christian fellowship. I’m always happy to serve musically, but I don’t want that to be my identity or the main reason why I’m there~
