Nostalgia's Portfolio

I promised God that after the festival, I wouldn’t play guitar again unless for Him. I wanted to sanctify my whole life, including my money, talents, and time to God, His will and His kingdom. I was also looking for a church since I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist, but after being born again in early 2023, I realized they had serious false doctrine and heresy, but I really desired fellowship. I lost a lot of friends when I shared the gospel, and many online friends just ghosted me, but God was all I wanted to talk about.

In 2024, I made a resolution to find a new church, and just in time, a couple from outside the city reached out to me as they were looking for musicians. This church plant actually responded quickly, answered my doctrinal questions, and would arrange a ride for me, so I said I’ll check them out, and I ended up playing from my very first visit. They did mostly CCM songs or simple gospel songs, so it wasn’t too hard. The hard part was that they would decide on the key during the rehearsal right before service, so I started learning songs via their progressions for easy transposition. They also went where the wind blew, so I had to train my ears so I could change sections/songs quickly or predict where they would go. The service was initially in the afternoon so they could borrow musicians from other churches, but they wanted to switch to morning, and once they did, I was the only one for quite a few months.

Now, the music part wasn’t too bad, and I was so excited and zealous about serving God that I quickly helped out and got involved in other aspects of the church, helping to set up and close down, greeting other guests, joining other meetings, going out with them during evangelism, helping rebuild their website, and so on. I did a lot without being asked, but I was also willing to assist when asked as I really believed in the mission of the church. I was also there for half the day anyways since I’d be picked up between 7-8am, drive for an hour, set up for an hour since the places were usually rentals or rented out during the week, church service was about 2 hours, fellowship for an hour, and then setting down and driving back. Most of the members would just sit and talk, and they were more concerned about their life affairs like school, work, money, and finding a husband, whereas I was fully dedicated to God’s work so the pastors took advantage of that and I was starting to burn out. Even after I mentioned feeling exhausted, the pastor still tried to sign me up to some long-term charity thing they wanted to partner with.

There was also a few doctrines I didn’t quite agree with. While the tongues thing freaked me out at first, I got used to it. The pastor still opted to have a few bible studies with me to help me understand and encourage me to speak it, but I didn’t like being pressured to speak it, as I felt it’s a gift from the Holy Spirit. I also didn’t get why everyone had tongues but other gifts weren’t practiced to the same degree, or why people weren’t as passionate about the gospel or God’s kingdom if they spoke it all the time. I was happily single, but he would try to push marriage on me and try to convince me to, even though Paul said it’s great to stay single like him, and Jesus was also single. What’s wrong with giving God all my love and attention? Isn’t that what we’re called to do?. I didn’t agree with female pastors either, as I think the bible is clear on that (1 Timothy 3), but the pastor’s wife was a pastor so of course he would defend it. I fought back saying it’s clear that God prefers to use men as priests, prophets, kings, apostles, pastors etc, so we shouldn’t make the exception the rule and compromise on God’s laws, but he wouldn’t back down and neither would I. The pastor was also focused on growth, so while they shared the true gospel, they were very seeker-sensitive, and focused more on health, wealth and being a good person instead of saving souls and dying for Christ. I would ask about preaching other topics, but he said that deep bible studies are more for small groups and such, and ‘you can’t run a church that way’. I personally didn’t feel I was being spiritually fed there, nor did I fit in much since everyone else was an immigrant from Nigeria (their home branch was in Nigeria, so most members were already followers of the church or the pastor) while I was born and raised here…but I felt they needed me to play. 

The nail in the coffin was realizing they weren’t being transparent about paying other musicians. One time, they brought a Muslim in, and I was talking to her thinking she was eager to know Jesus and convert, but then she told me the situation and she only cared about the money. I believe worship has to be done in “spirit and in truth” (John 4:23), so someone who doesn’t even believe can’t worship God. I did confront the pastor about this when I found out. I thought that was a single case, but then I found out every musician was always being paid. I happily played and served for free, I wouldn’t have asked for money even if I knew, but they made a fool out of me as I was talking to everyone else thinking they were volunteering, and they were probably assuming I was being paid as well. I was already disappointed in most of them since they would come without practicing the songs, and some didn’t listen to the track at all, so I would step in and help provide the chords and such…but I was extremely grieved when I realized they were being paid and still couldn’t bother to respect God, grieved to know my tithes were going into the pocket of someone who didn’t really care to serve or try. It became clear that the pastor would rather pay to have the big flashy band to show off online and to people back home, than to have a simple, humble worship with just me until they found the right people, so I had to go. I didn’t even take videos of me playing because I didn’t want to exploit the church to promote myself. Worship should be private and intimate.
All this to say, me and this church just weren’t aligned, and my heart and soul just needed to rest. 

I don’t think it was all for waste though. The opportunity allowed me to get comfortable with going to church on Sunday and going every week. I learned a lot about the Holy Spirit, His gifts, and yielding to His leading. I also gained a lot of confidence as a guitarist. Any remaining stage freight was gone after playing a good 30+ services. However, the church just wasn’t a permanent home for me. Different churches have different cultures, so I think I prefer a more multi-cultural, quieter, reverent church. I prefer hymns and more meaningful, biblical lyrics over catchy and repetitive CCM songs. I would also prefer to be around more mature Christians that I could be discipled and encouraged by, instead of feeling like an outcast or told to settle down when I’m zealous for God. During my own study time, I learned that unity among Christians is important, and that we’re not all going to agree on everything. As long as it’s not a salvation issue, I don’t always have to speak up or correct others. Someone online said that when looking for a church, you should find a place you align with at least 90% of the time, and I’ll definitely keep that in mind moving forward.