Hey everyone! Nostalgia here~ If you’re new to my blog, welcome! If you’ve been here before, welcome back! In case you don’t know my full story, let me get you up to speed before I share why I have decided to abandon this instrument that I’ve worked so hard to learn.
Why I Picked Up Guitar (My Childhood Band Dream)
I first picked up guitar in 2014. I had a childhood band dream that didn’t seem possible back then, especially since I didn’t play any rock band instruments, nor had friends with musical interest. After watching K-ON!!, an anime about a high school girl’s music club, I felt really inspired to bring the dream to life and had my first band attempt. I played keyboard, something I dabbled in since childhood, but would need time to learn and memorize a song. Either way, we had our first rehearsal, and sounded really good! …but it was impossible booking a second as we all had different schedules, coming from different areas of the city, and some had other bands that were a bigger priority, so I let it go.
A year later, I took a detour. I really liked Jpop dances, and wanted to make a Jpop dance group, but couldn’t find people. I was already introduced to Kpop thanks to high school friends, and while not as obsessed as them about idols, I did like the girl group dance routines, so I made an ad for that instead and instantly found members. We rehearsed for about half a year, but sadly, a few members had to drop out and we fell apart soon after. We were still friends though and would hang out. It’s through this group that I met the singer of my future band.
After playing Guitar Hero a few times at the Yorkdale mall movie theatre arcade, I bought a second-hand set for my Wii…and after playing that more, I figured…why not learn the real thing? At least then, I could really make my dream come true! So I bought a second hand-guitar and amp soon after. While I have played other instruments casually, I never understood theory or felt confident improvising or creating music, but I really wanted to be somewhat competant in guitar. As I dug more into music theory and saw patterns more clearly on the guitar, I was able to remember and figure out things pretty quickly. Mind you, I didn’t have internet at home, so I would borrow books from the library and print out chord charts secretly at work. I learned a lot in those 7 months, and decided to get a personal teacher so I won’t become stagnant. Sadly, after 3 lessons, he pushed me to do so many new things at once and I got discouraged when he implied that I’d have to start over. I put my guitar down and moved on…
But in late 2019, after fulfilling other things on my bucket list like going to Japan and getting to be a guest dancer in a Jpop cover group and go on stage, and also seeing my other guitar friend perform a couple times at small gigs, I realized my dream didn’t have to be that complicated. It’s not like I was planning to be the next great guitar guru or tour the world…I just needed to be good enough to cover a few anime songs and find a place to perform. So for my 2020 new years resolution, I dusted off my guitar and jumped right in. This time, I did have internet at home and was quickly overwhelemed by the amount of YouTube videos out there, teaching a lick here or a chord there, but not really connecting anything. I then saw ads for GuitarTricks and decided to give it a chance, and it was amazing at filling the holes in my foundation.
Making The Dream Come True (Chromatic Dreamers Band Project)
When Covid locked down the world, I only saw it as an opportunity. What better time to get a band together then now? I was hoping to find other rookies with a similar dream, and since everyone is at home with nothing to do, we could all learn our instruments and the songs ahead of time, and then we’ll be ready to practice together and can start performing soon after when things open up again. Unlike other people, I kinda knew in my heart Covid wasn’t going to be a short-term thing, but I was ready to take full advantage of the free time I’ll have to get really good at guitar. I found a couple friends who were down to join me, one was in my first band attempt before I even picked up guitar (I played keyboard in it), and one was a friend who I knew started her own singing group, but that never came to fruition. I was hoping to find other bandmates, but people didn’t want to commit until we could play together. Oh well, we all chatted and picked out songs and ideas and such in the meantime.
In 2021, lockdowns started to lighten up and I was able to find a couple other people to join the band. After giving them a few more months to learn the songs, we started meeting up. I also started this blog as I really wanted to start promoting us so we would have a fanbase by the time we were actually ready to perform. This wasn’t the first website I’ve built (made a couple others during Covid as it was also a dream of mine), so I already knew how to make one. After our photoshoot, I started blogging. While I’ve been into Jpop music since middle school, I didn’t realize I had so much to say about it. When it comes to Japanese music theory or Jpop music for beginners, there was a hole online that made me frustrated when I first picked up guitar, so I was happy to be the one to fill that need. Since work was also slow, I wrote over 100 articles in my first year, I didn’t even expect 5 views a month considering how few resources there are, but within a few months, I was reaching 1000, then 10000 views a month.
Anyways, by 2022, I started reaching out to anime conventions and any place that may allow my rookie band to play. While open mics was an option, I wanted to ensure we were in front of a crowd that would appreciate anime music, lest my band get discourage by a lack of enthusiasm from the audience. Sadly, lots of conventions died due to Covid, some didn’t really have a spot for a full band (only singers and dancers), and others just never responded to me. The Pretty Heroes convention replied positively, but said we would have to play acoustically due to the space. Whatever, we’ll take it! That did mean we had to learn a few new songs that would fit the vibe, but we worked hard and came through. As summer came to an end, I was feeling a little depressed as I did promise my band a ‘stage’ but couldn’t find one…..but then the host of the event and dance group I joined back in 2019 told me she was hosting another event. And while it was made for jpop dance groups, I simply asked if my band could play there, and she said ‘of course!’ I was so happy. The band project came to a close due to a few variables, but I was thankful to at least bring my band dream to life.
In 2023, God really touched my heart and I became a true born again Christian, and I didn’t really care to listen or play music at all. The singer and I kept in touch, and she was actually very enthusiastic about making a band again and doing more, but I was over it. But then she suggested we become a duet. I was more open to that as I was tired of leading and pushing people to practice, along with all the money wasted at rehearsal studios. At least I knew she would come prepared and we could easily practice in my room. Also, I’ve been mostly using power chords for the Jrock songs we would play, but I was down to challenge myself to really master more chord shapes and transitions, so I said sure. We chose about 20 songs and learned them in a couple months. Pretty Heroes was open to taking us again, and we got a full set this time. And I also pitched the group to Japan Festival, who also gave us a shorter set. After that, we were both truly satisfied, and I told God I wouldn’t play guitar again unless for Him as it really does take up a lot of my time and energy, and I really didn’t like the messages of most secular songs. I was offered a couple opportunities after that, but I rejected them to honour my vow.
Playing Guitar To Serve At Church (Didn’t Expect To Still Be Playing)
In 2024, I was hoping to find a good, biblical church, one where I could truly find fellowship as none of my friends were Christian. A pastor from a church plant in the city over found my Bandmix and Instagram page, and asked if I could play for them. I thought perhaps God was giving me an opportunity to serve. As long as they could provide a ride, I was open to it. This church really challenged me musically as they only gave me the song, no charts or anything. But also, they would usually change the key during the rehearsal right before service, and I’d have to predict what part the singer would sing next, they may also transition into the second song. All things I’ve never had to do before, but I kept up (thankfully). The other musicians (who I thought were williing volunteers, but were actually being paid. They kept that info from me til the end) eventually left and I was the only musician for about 4 months. I was to at least help them pick a key via the group chat so I could practice more thoroughly beforehand. All in all, it was a good experience that helped me get more comfortable on stage and to learn to go with the flow, but I wasn’t being spiritually fed there, nor found people I really connected to.
One cool experinece that happened earlier that year was getting to be the guitarist in a gospel music video. No, I didn’t actually play guitar on the track, I was just hired to act in the video. The day before the shoot, a lady messaged me on Instagram saying they were looking for a guitarist in the city. My last post on there was my testimony, so they were really hoping I’d join. They reached out to some other guy, but he never got back to them. If I couldn’t agree, they wouldn’t have someone, that’s how serious it was. I was only thinking if I could commit with such short notice, as I would love to help my brothers and sisters in Christ, I didn’t realize they were offering payment. They gave me a sample of the track, and I was able to figure out the chords by ear that night so I could at least fake it realistically. But yeah, went the next day, there was an issue with the location they booked but we managed to get a nicer location that same night. The singer was going on vacation the following day but she wanted the video to be ready by the time she released her book, so it really was a blessing that everything worked out in the end. More on that story in this article.
Why I’m Ready To Let Guitar Go (And Focus On The Ocarina)
So that leads us to now. I joined a local baptist church that only does hymns and is against the electric guitar. I was asked to play the acoustic a few times for the special song, but I don’t like the size and feel of acoustic guitars. They also have a 4-person choir who sings every week so I’ve only been asked to fill in with a solo as they didn’t have a song ready. While I do love hymns and CCM, the chords are so basic and easy that I’m not motivated to play or practice them. Even if I was given a song, I could learn and memorize it in 10 minutes. I’ve picked up the ocarina since joining this church, and I definitely enjoy playing melodies instead. While I knew how to read sheet music, I never had to push myself to sight read until now, but it’s been a joy being able to play more songs thanks to them.
Additionally, as I’m trying to declutter and live a lighter life, I realized just how many things I’ve compiled just to play this instrument semi-professionally. By the time I started selling or giving away things, I had 3 guitars (Ibanez, Epiphone Les-Paul, Electro-Acoustic Jasmine), an amp and multiple cables, 2 cases, 4 guitar stands and a guitar rack/shelf, a pedal board with 5 pedals (also needs connectors and power chords), doubles of tuners, spare strings and cutter, capos so I can keep one at home and one in my to-go bag, Soundbrenner watch, Focusrite Scarlett and microphone+stand to record, a music stand, various ear plugs, various picks, various straps, various boxes and bags for all this stuff, batteries, adaptors, so on and so forth! And I’m not even counting the brand stuff I bought to promote or the clothes I was hoping to perform with. The thought of moving or having an emergency and dealing with all this stuff actually stressed me out! The ocarina though? Portable, cheap, and it requires no additional tools, tuners, or any kind of mainteance to play.
Competition is also a big thing. As an adult learner, I already knew I couldn’t compete with those who’ve started playing since they were kids, nor would I want to. It feels like everyone can play the guitar, even if only a few actually learned to play their barre chords. I’ve definitely put a lot of pressure on myself to play well, especially during acoustic gigs where every mistake is so obvious, and I would really hate to trip up my singer. Japanese music is also extremely hard as one song can have 15 different, often complex chords, and the chord progression is so long and barely repeats. If I iddn’t practice them multiple times a week, I would have to relearn because there ain’t no way I’ll figure it out on my own. Melodies on the ocarina though? Give me 10 minutes and I can easily learn it by ear. It’s also a little easier to play off mistakes as I’m not the foundation of the song.
At this point in my life, I’m definitely somoene who only has the time to pursue something that I can actually see myself being somewhat proficient at, something that would pay off in the end or bring me great joy. As crazy as this sounds, I’m probably about the same level in guitar as I am in Japanese, was early-intermediate, but due to lack of practice, back to late-beginner….but I believe I could become more proficient in Japanese faster than I could guitar. Guitar is just very very very technical, so even if you know how it works in your head, your hands may not be fast or flexible enough to do it without really pushing yourself for months or years. And even if you get good at one skill or genre, there’s still so many others that would take a lifetime to master. But at least for Japanese, as long as you’re consistent with learning a little everyday, you can actually be proficient enough to work there in say, 5 years. I would make a bet that more people have passed the N1 exam than people who can really play anything on the guitar.
The main reason I avoided guitar most of my life is because, I didn’t want to work so hard to be average. I’ve tried so many other instruments, including clarinet, viola, harmonica, bass, and of course the ocarina, because I’d rather be a little more unique and special than try to stand out in a crowd. It took years to feel somewhat competant at guitar, and I’m thankful that after all the work I’ve put in to it over the span of 3 years, I got to perform over 40 times with it (4 anime/Japanese events, about 38 services at church, and a cool music video)….but it only took me a month to learn the ocarina well enough to start playing it at church, and I’ve already played over 60 times (every Sunday for 15 months), and I’d feel more capable playing a wider variety of songs to the sick and elderly cause I can read sheet music and learn songs by ear pretty easily. And best of all, I won’t be expected to sing…I really don’t like singing, but what is rhythm guitar without a singer?
So yeah, I sold 2/3 guitars last year. Still held to my most expensive pink Ibanez cause I did plan to still practice and review some Japanese Christian songs that are at least fun to play….but I really haven’t touched it in months. I’ve sold all my gear already, and all that’s left is my guitar. I thought I may have second thoughts, but I don’t think I would regret this decision. After all, if I ever do feel reinspired to play, I can always buy another one (when my financial situaion is better…rent, bills, and groceries in Toronto really sucks everything out of you haha). I haven’t had these guitars for so long that I can’t let them go, and I’ll always have my memories with them on this blog and on my channel, but I would rather focus wholeheartedly on mastering the ocarina <3
Final Words For Someone Unsure About Moving On
Moving on seems scary, especially if you’ve invested years into something. It can be heartbreaking to give up on something after all the time and effort you’ve put into something. It’s very tempting to keep going just so you don’t feel like it was a waste…but where would we be if we held on to relationships that we know won’t lead to marriage, or jobs that don’t pay well and make us depressed, or toxic friends that take and take but never give anything in return? As hard as it can be to let go, it opens up your heart and your world to something new and better.
I think another reason we hesitate is because it’s become our identity in some way, or what people expect of you. For example, imagine your parents pushing and pushing you to become a doctor, and you’re midway through university, or even a couple years into your job, and you realize you’re just not made for this. As proud as your parents may of you, and even though everyone in your circle knows your a doctor, and maybe you do have some pride about it cause it is such a high achievement….if it’s not what you want to do, why push yourself to continue until retirement?
With this blog, I’ve built my musical identity around being a guitarist. Thankfully, I’ve marketed myself as a beginner so expectations were never that high, but I’ve always put a lot of pressure on myself to do well if given an opportunity, and I really don’t like the stress. It sucks that even if you’ve practice so hard for weeks or months, you can still mess up when it really counts. It takes so much of my mental power to play through a song, and more so if I’m singing too. As I’ve hopefully expressed through my post, I truly only expected this to be a one-time, maybe two-time thing. Make my dream happen, cross it off my bucket list, move on to something else. I wasn’t expecting to still be performing 3 years after that.
But here’s the thing, as long as I have a guitar, there is always the possibility that someone may ask me to play, and then I’ll have to choose between stressing myself out again to deliver, or disappointing them (more so if they don’t know another guitarist). But if I don’t have a guitar, the answer is obvious. As a people pleaser, I’ve noticed I’ve hoarded a lot of things, from first aid, to stationery, to games, and clothes and this and that, just in case someone else may ask or require it of me, and I think I did the same with guitar. I’ve bought many things I’ve never used, just in case I would need them when playing my guitar. But I want to take more control of my life, and part of that is lightening my load and only keeping what I really need or like. I liked guitar for a season, but I’m over it. The passion isn’t there. And the pressure to keep practicing just in case someone else requires my skills is exhausting. I’d rather invest fully into this new instrument, or even pick up another hobby or talent…..or just relax and meditate more, ya know?
Life really is too short to let things of the past bog you down. We don’t have infinite hours or energy to pursue multiple talents or skills, and sometimes we would like to just rest and relax after work. Too many people die with regrets because they spent their lives pleasing others, never really doing or pursuing what they want to, or letting expectations trap them. But as I’ve learned in my own life, you can pursue and achieve anything if you’re truly passionate about it. If the passion is gone, you may get there, but it will be dreadful on the way there and afterwards. Don’t let nobody dictate your life, cause you’re the one who will have to live with your decisions.
Sincerely, Nostalgia